The Diet Pasture, Something I'd Rather Not Think About

I have had numerous inquiries about my references to the diet pasture.  I have been reluctant to discuss this because I don't want it to appear as though I am complaining. I really and truly meant it last time when I said that this is a great place to live.  To discuss the diet pasture might make it sound like I am unhappy or ungrateful, which I am not. So I will only tell you about the diet pasture if you promise to understand that I adore my farm and my pasture friends and my farm people. I really do.

So here goes. This is actually a little embarrassing.  There are some people on this farm who think that my... um...  my girth is a little too ample.  There. I said it.  Yes, some people think I am a little too big around the middle.  They think I "don't do much" (yes, that's a direct quote) and that I eat too much hay (which I do not), however I am not in charge of certain things around here even though I am a mascot.  So far I have not been able to change popular opinion, but I am working on it, trust me.  What this all boils down to is that I am on a diet and that sometimes I have to go in the diet pasture.

First, the diet part.  In the barn there is a big dry erase board that tells how much everyone gets for breakfast and dinner. It says things like:   

          

     Tess -  3/4 scoop
     Major - 3/4 scoop
     Missy - 1/2 scoop
     Kolbi -  1/2 scoop

When it gets to me it says:   Donkey - handful

Nope, I'm not kidding.  You heard right...  a handful.... A pitiful, cheapskate handful of grain...   Now, I understand that I am quite short compared to the horses and don't need to eat as much as they do, but really...  a handful??!!  Heck, the GOATS get a handful of grain and I am WAY bigger than they are!  (Oh, and by the way, no one ever mentions Peanut Butter's girth.  He's one of the goats and he is busting at the seams, let me tell you, and he really doesn't do anything... And if you will notice, there are only face shots of him on the website. I rest my case.)  I have objected to this for some time, but because I have not been able to convince anyone to change the board for me, everyone has been abiding  by the feed schedule and I get a skimpy handful.  It is quite pathetic if you ask me, and downright unfair because I should at least get more than the goats. So this is the first part of the diet. Now for the second part...

In the regular pasture where the all of the boys hang out we have a gigantic round bale of hay and we stand around and munch all day.  It's great, really.  We eat, hang out, and keep an eye on the place.  Well, sometimes I have to go in the pasture next door, AKA the diet pasture.  This is not like the all-you-can-eat hay buffet where the boys hang out.  Oh no. In this pasture my hay is measured! Think of it as portion control for animals.  It's pretty annoying, really.  Those of you who have ever been on a diet and have only been allowed a slice of turkey, three baby carrots, and water for lunch know exactly what I mean.  Certain farm people (who shall remain nameless) seem to think I need to be on Weight Watchers or The Biggest Loser for Farm Animals or something and sometimes they say I have to be in the diet pasture for the day and that I cannot just stand around and eat for endless hours like everyone else. Sometimes my buddy, Chip, is in there with me.  Yeah, he's on a diet too so at least he feels my pain.  Trust me, it is not my favorite thing. Especially when you get to watch everyone else eating-their-hearts-out right next door. Really, it's like being at a Superbowl party and everyone is eating chicken wings and Doritos and you are stuck with crudites.  Yeah, like baby carrots, celery, and cut up red peppers compare to the good stuff... Give me a break.  We all know that is not true.

So in addition to being a pain and being unfair (because I think I look quite svelte, actually, certainly better than Peanut Butter), it is a bit embarrassing because some think I am too big.  It is something I have to tolerate, though, because I have not yet figured out a way to bust out of the diet pasture or to change the dry erase board.   But I am working on it...

So for right now I dream about the warm spring days ahead when the pastures will be covered with tender green grass and that as soon as that grass starts growing I can graze all day long, in either pasture, so my diet will be obsolete.  Good.  I can't wait for spring...

Love,

Donkey 

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