Not Yet Sure: Part II

If you will remember, I was telling you about Dudley's obsession with me and how he is stalking me day and night and that he beckoned me to the fence line not too long ago.  Remember?  And remember that I didn't tell you the whole story to keep you in suspense?  Well, I think I actually blew the suspense part because I think I should not have waited so long to tell you the rest of the story. It occurred to me that if you wait too long, you lose your audience so I'm really sorry about that.  And I think my editor is none too happy about that mistake either.  They want more people to read about the farm.  They don't want people to get annoyed with me.  So now I think I'm going to be micro-managed and have deadlines because I messed up the timing.  Great. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to like being on probation and I am quite sure I will be utterly dismayed if my reporting job goes to you-know-who...  Remember, those guys who are even shorter than me... 

Anyway, I was telling you about the Dud zeroing in on me all of the time and that there was one particular day that I agreed to come over to see him, though I was not quite sure what was going to happen.  I very bravely approached the fence, not knowing what to expect and not quite sure what I was going to say.  And here is what happened.  Are you ready?  Are you feeling suspense right now?  Because if you are I may have done my job after all and maybe my editorial board will back off...

So here is what happened...

We sniffed.

We practiced being next to each other.



We sniffed some more and stared. 



We had a talk. I told him he needed to back off.  I said it nicely, but firmly.

And that's it!  Nothing else occurred!  Of course there was the obligatory ear pinning and tail swishing and snorting because Little D still secretly thinks he is the big cheese.  But there was not an over abundance of testosterone and there were no teeth and he didn't want to kill me.  Hallelujah! He was definitely much calmer and not inclined to fight.  I think he's going to settle down and drop the dramatics. Well, at least he did today, which is a start. We have to be thankful for small steps.

So for right now I don't think you have to worry about us.  I think the Dud now understands that I am the boss and he is the new guy on the block and he just has to back off.  Yep, I think I'm handling this just fine...  My talk obviously did some good and I am very encouraged by our progress... 

Love,

Donkey

Not Yet Entirely Sure About the Dud

I'm still not entirely sure about little Milk Dud, as you shall see...  I must say I am relieved that he remains on the other side of the fence.  

He always knows where I am and what I am doing.  He has radar and is constantly tracking me.  Doesn't he have anything else to do?

Now he's working his way to the fence line.   I am on the other side.

Now he is staring at me and sending ESP messages.  

Better get this over with and see what he wants.  (I'm the guy on the left).

I hope this goes ok...

You will be surprised to find out that you have to stay tuned for the rest of the story.  My editor says I need to work on creating suspense so my readers come back and statistics don't drop.   Sorry, but you will just have to keep checking in to see what happens...   (Editors and editorial boards can be annoying.  I much prefer having creative license over my work.)

Love,

Donkey

He Has a Name!

I just heard that the new whippersnapper has a name after the farm people and all of our friends gave this a lot of careful thought and consideration.  But best of all I am very happy to report that the farm people listened to me and did not name him something that would forevermore frighten me or forevermore make it hard for me to be in charge of him.  I'm thanking everybody for that one!  I think this proves that I am loved quite a lot, and for that I am eternally grateful. See, I told you the farm people understand and love animals...

Of course you are wondering what the new donkey's new name is....  Well, it's not anything like "Zeus"or "Your Majesty" which is a very good thing and which I was quite worried about.  It's Dudley! I think it is perfect. It will work just fine because hearing his name won't take me back to the terrible day in the driveway and it allows me to maintain my preferential rank in the pasture.  But best of all, you can make a food out of it...  Watch.  Milk Dud!  See?  Not scary. Not scary at all.  I am breathing a big sigh of relief, let me tell you.

I think The Dud and I are going to be just fine. Yep, Little D is a perfect name.

So thank you farm people for helping me out.  You are the best...

Love,

Donkey

Suggestions for Naming the New Donkey

I know that people are giving a lot of thought to what we should name the new donkey.  I have been thinking about this as well and here are some suggestions... not that anyone has asked me.  Humph...  


I would definitely not recommend giving him a name that has anything to do with power, strength, or authority.   His head is already too big and my job is to take him down a notch or two.  This means that a name like Czar or Thor is out.  If he had a name like that he would think he was the lightweight champion of the pasture and we'd never hear the end of it.  The horses definitely agree with me here.  Ask any of them.  I mean  really, can you picture it?  I am going to be in charge of this guy (eventually, once he figures out that he is not the boss), which means I will be telling him what to do sometimes.  And I imagine he might not always be thrilled with my direction.  How will it ever work if he has a big, important name?  It would be like me saying "Your Highness,  I get in line first for breakfast, not you", like he is going to listen to that.  Or "Your Highness, get out of here.  Major and I are playing right now and you are not invited".  C'mon.  That is just not realistic.  My job is going to be hard enough without having to defer to him on account of a name!


Plus, a big, fancy name would give me flashbacks because I'd be constantly reminded of the terrible day in the driveway when my life flashed before my eyes.  That would definitely not be a good thing.  Just imagine if his name was Terminator.  For evermore, when anyone calls him or talks to him or about him, and I'm around, I will think of the scary day in the drive when he tried to take me down.  I can easily imagine that I could be having a perfectly fine day, grazing or hanging out with the farm people and someone would say "Where's Terminator?" or "Did you hear what Terminator did today?" and in that split-second-of-a-moment I would be taken back to the day I got beat up.  I'd be scared all over again.  You want my post traumatic stress symptoms to go away, don't you? Trust me, that kind of name will not help me at all.  And, if needed, I can probably find a shrink who will vouch for me on that one... 


So after much thought, I say name him after food.   Food would be good and it would definitely not give me flashbacks. Food isn't scary and it isn't going to go to his head.  I'd suggest Muffin or Buckwheat.  Actually, you can try any food.  It all works.  Watch.  Pepperoni. Not scary. Hershey. Spud.  Nope, not scary. You can literally say any food and it does not conjure up images of the driveway incident.  Or, if you don't like the food idea we could give him a nice name from an interesting historical figure or TV personality, something like Edsel, Gershwin, Columbo or Radar.  See? Not even remotely scary... Or maybe a name like Elroy or Junior, a name that is obviously lower ranking than Donkey.  That'd be great too and would keep me from feeling all frightened and jittery and remembering the day I was almost killed.   


I'm just saying that in the end his name should be benign and a statement of his rank, it should not jeopardize my mental health or undermine my status in the pasture. While I realize no one asked (yeah, like that didn't escape me), these are my recommendations on naming him anyway... 

So I sincerely hope I have some clout around here and that the farm people will take my suggestions into consideration as they think about naming this guy.  

Thank you everyone.  


Love,


Donkey

Bulking Up

Major agreed to train me and it's going pretty well.  We work out twice a day, once in the early morning and again in the evening, after it cools off.  First, there are laps around the pasture, then wind sprints and then we use the weave poles for agility.  That takes care of cardio. I am working hard on strength training.  In addition, I am practicing bobbing, ducking, dodging and spinning on my feet.  Trust me, I'm practicing the these things a lot because I think it's going to save my hide if you-know-who decides to come after me again.  I am pleased to report that I am seeing results.  My strength is improving.  I am definitely quicker on my feet.  My confidence has returned. 

At night the farm people have been putting the new whippersnapper in a stall by me so we can see each other and practice being near each other.   He has not yet tried to sink his teeth into me under the cover of darkness, but then, I am a light sleeper so he doesn't have much of a chance.  A few times the farm people have put us together again in the driveway, just for a little while, to give me a chance to show the new donkey my stuff.  And I am pleased to report that I have!  The new guy thought about taking me down, and tried, but because I have been working out and am much quicker on my feet I have been able to spin and glare and bite and he has backed off.  Hooray for me!  I think he will learn in time.  I really do. It would be nice if we could be buddies some day.  Another short guy running around here might be kind of fun. 

So things are going better.  My side doesn't hurt any more, the bite  marks are healing, and I am pretty sure he is not going to get the upper hand again.  Oh yeah, and the animal doctor is coming today so that should help.  So now he'll be sore for a few days.  We'll see what happens after he heals up...  I'll keep you posted.

Love,

Donkey

PS: By the way, here is a picture of the beast... looking all cute and harmless...Trust me, he's not...

Current Strategy for Dealing with New Whippersnapper While I'm Bulking Up

Hiding...





but staying alert.  You can't be too careful.  



Oh oh.  Here he comes. Better duck. 

He'll never find me... 

Love,

Donkey

The Young Whippersnapper vs.The Farm Mascot

Well, it's been an interesting week around here, that's for sure.  Of course, everyone is still sad about Ginger and that is just going to take time.  You simply can't rush making all the sad feelings go away.

But there's another big thing that I need to tell you. When the farm people went to the auction to get Ginger a few weeks back they also got another donkey!!!   I don't know if you already knew that.   Maybe you read it on the website.  But, yep, there's a little mini me running around here.  I am glad that he didn't end up in that place where Unspeakable Things happen to animals, and I have definitely learned that there is enough love to go around, so I am not worried people will like him more than me, but you really aren't going to believe this one.

Everything started out alright. When new animals come to the farm they need to be kept separate from all of us in case they are sick, so at first I didn't see him because he was in the other barn.  But you can bet your bottom dollar I heard him!  That boy has a set of lungs on him that you would not believe!  The farm people said he sounds like me on helium, which I guess is a compliment, but he is really, really loud and really, really  high-pitched and he can bray forever!  He has an impressive set of chops, let me tell you!  The horses only wish they could whinny for so long and in such an authoritative fashion.  Needless to say I was very, very curious when I heard this new boy from afar.

And of course I also knew he was here because I heard the farm people talking about him.  It happens every single time we get a new animal, so I'm pretty used to it.  And of course it's no surprise they were saying things like:

1)  He's so cute!  (Like I haven't heard that one before.)
2)  He looks like a big stufffed animal!  (Heard it.)
3)  Awwwww... Look at that face! (Hey, all donkeys are adorable.  It's no surprise that he has a cute face).
4)  He is so good!  He is 180 degrees different from our Donkey!  (OK, so I guess he picks up his feet without any problem to get his hooves picked.  Big deal...I say it's still the honeymoon phase and he is not going to risk being dropped back off at the auction. You bet he is not going to make a fuss. I predict that this cooperative thing will change though... he's a donkey after all.)

So basically, I gathered that the new mini me looks like a donkey and is cooperative (at least for the time being.  I still have my doubts.)  I was quite curious indeed...

Well, the farm people decided that we could finally meet and this is when the other part of this big story happens.  They brought us both out in the driveway (don't worry, the gate was closed so we were safe and couldn't go anywhere, which was both a good thing and a bad thing, as you will see) and I'll be darned if the new whippersnapper charged me and tried to kill me...  Literally.  I'm not exaggerating one bit.  You can ask the farm people.  Before I, or anyone, knew it, that little mini me who is "so cute" and who "looks like a stufffed animal" and "is 180 degrees better than" me (yeah, someone better take that one back) tried to take my head off.  In the blink of an eye I was on the ground, his front legs were wrapped around my neck, and he was trying to sink his teeth into me! I was so taken by surprise (and so incredibly pinned down by a testosterone-charged newbie who unfairly took the upper hand when I wasn't even looking) that I couldn't move. And that's saying a lot because I am way bigger than he is and very, very strong.  But, nope, I was pinned and I wasn't going anywhere.   He was determined to take me down.. and out...

My life flashed before my eyes...

The farm people ran over and ran him off, though it took some doing.  When I could stand up I ran off too because self preservation sounded like a really good idea and donkeys are all about self preservation.  But in the commotion, with all the running, we both rounded the horse trailer from opposite sides, came nose to nose again, and he took me down a second time!  Wow, I was not expecting another round.  The farm people intervened again and got him off of me.  They were actually able to separate us that time (good thing) and they made a very wise rule which states that we cannot be with each other, at least not for right now.  They are really worried this new boy could kill me!  So I have been limping around here for the past few days with a sore side and wounded pride.   I'm going to be ok, but it was quite a shock, let me tell you.

Well, now that things have settled down, the last laugh is on him because I happen to know that the animal doctor is coming to see him and perform a certain procedure, if you know what I mean.  The farm people hope this is going to calm him down and put an end to his "I wanna be the lightweight champion of the pasture" attitude.  In the meantime, just to play it safe,  I think I am going to start bulking up so that I'll be in better shape in the event there is another round.  Maybe Major can be my personal trainer...  Yeah, that's a good idea.. a really good idea..     

So here's looking over my shoulder and keeping an eye out, at least for the time being.

Like I said, it's been an interesting week...  I hope next week is better.

Love,

Donkey