Donkey Tails

Donkeys Are Extra-Ordinarily Special, Even If The Horses Don't Think So

2011-12-21T07:56:00.000-08:00

We have had a lot, and I mean a lot, of mud out here lately, which means that Dudley and I have been hanging out with the horses quite a bit because we are running low on non-flooded pasture. The horses are bothered by the mud and have been grouchy and out-of-sorts. This means they have been pretty bossy and have spent considerable time trying to hog the big round bale of hay. They act like they own the place. They have had little patience with us and have taken great pleasure in making fun of Dudley and me because we are short. That really bugs us, but there's not much we can do other than go off and have fun playing by ourselves. They are really annoying us, but considering that Christmas is right around the corner, Dudley and I are trying to take the high road in hopes that Santa is watching.

Anyway, I told you last time that I have been thinking about Christmas. This certainly means Santa, but it also means I have been thinking about the Christmas story. You know, when Mary and Joseph had to go from Nazareth to Bethlehem because the ruler of the land proclaimed that everyone had to be registered? And it was when they were on their way that Baby Jesus was born? And that he was born in a stable because there was no room in any of the inns?

Well, I want to reiterate a very important fact about the Christmas story (and I hope the horses read this), which is that Mary rode on a donkey.  Not a camel. Not a horse. I repeat... Not a horse, but a donkey. A short, sturdy, protective donkey. And that the distance of their journey was so great they travelled for four to six days. Let me tell you, that is a long, long way, but I can assure you that their little donkey took very great care to carry Mary as comfortably as possible and to step quite carefully over rocks and ruts so she would not be jostled and lose her balance. If you have been reading my letters you know how much we love our people, and I just know that Mary and Joseph's donkey loved them and worked very hard to make the journey safe and comfortable, which is saying an awful lot.

I just had to talk about that because the horses have been so full of themselves lately. They don't always understand how important we are, and they are certainly not remembering the critically acclaimed role we played in the arrival of Baby Jesus.   Gosh, if it hadn't been for donkeys, we might not even have Christmas!

So I really hope the horses lighten up and stop and think about the fact that donkeys, though not always respected, surely should be.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!  And may you all be lucky enough to find a donkey beneath your tree on Christmas morning...

Love,

Donkey

Missing My Barn Manager

2011-12-13T18:02:00.000-08:00

So I have been thinking about Christmas coming up and that this is the time of year when most animals think about and want to be with those who mean the most to them. There is someone I have been thinking about lately who is very important and who loves me. I haven't seen him in awhile though. It's been a long while, actually. I miss him a lot and wish he was here. I dreamed about him last night. I dream about him a lot.

I'm talking about our barn manager. He has been gone for a long time. He is in a far away land that has a very funny name. He is helping protect our country. I think he is very brave to do this. I pray every night that he is safe and warm and knows that we all are thinking of him. I miss him feeding me and taking care of me and talking to me and giving me treats, but I know that he has an important job to do and that he will be home as soon as he can get here. I'm pretty sure he misses taking care of me too... well, all of us, really.

I hope he knows that we can't wait for him to come home... even though waiting is hard. Sometimes it seems like forever.

So please hurry home as fast as you can. We will all be here, waiting for you to talk to us and scratch our necks and tuck us in... We miss you...

Love,

Donkey

Farm Emergency 911

2011-12-06T09:01:00.000-08:00

So one of our favorite farm people was in our stall the other day and something quite unexpected happened. We were very surprised and could not believe our eyes.

Our farm person knocked himself out. Yep, one minute he was standing upright, looking quite normal as he took care of us, and the next moment he was laying on the stall floor, out cold. Trust me, that has never happened before. Dudley and I didn’t quite know what to make of it. Now I know that some of you will think this is silly and that because I am a donkey I am not a reliable reporter, but I am not exaggerating one bit. This is exactly what happened. You can even ask Dudley if you don’t believe me. He was right there and saw it all.

It was a normal day. Our farm person was feeding us dinner and changing our water. I’m not sure he was paying attention because he does this all of the time and probably doesn’t need to think about it much. Or perhaps he had a lot on his mind. I’m not quite sure. Well, while he was emptying the bucket of old water and throwing it from the barn into the pasture he took a big, giant step forward and konked his head on the low overhang. Down he went.

You see, Dudley and I – and the goats – (yes, I said the goats. I have no comment on that one. Well, actually, I do. Sometimes when the goats escape from their pasture the farm people get annoyed and put them in with us because they cannot get out, which then annoys me. But apparently my vote carries less weight than the humans, which I think is quite unfair, but I am stuck. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know). Anyway, as I was saying, we are in the stall for short animals. The horses could never comfortably fit in here so we stay in a part of the barn where the ceiling and overhang are low. Our farm person is pretty tall, plus he was wearing a baseball hat and probably couldn’t see where he was going, though I still don’t quite understand. He has been in our stall a thousand times and he knows the overhang is low. Why didn’t he duck? Ducking would have solved everything. All we know is he was tossing water, hit his head, and down he went.

Well, we didn't quite know what to do. We have never before had one of our farm people all of a sudden fall down in our stall. He took up a fair amount of room, actually. We took great care not to step on him.

We were a little shocked so we waited... and watched... and waited some more. It appeared he was breathing, which made us quite hopeful that he was not dead. I'm not sure what we would have done if he was dead. I’m pretty good under pressure. Actually, I’m very good under pressure, but if someone were dead in my stall I would probably lose my composure. So we continued to carefully watch him breathe. He didn't move. After a little while we thought we should try to wake him up and I did what any good, responsible donkey would do…

I licked his face. Dudley stood and intently watched for life signs and I licked away. We worked on him for a number of minutes.

Well, I am very, very happy to report that our farm person was not dead and that we woke him up and made sure he was ok. We were enormously relieved. He was sore and felt a little silly, I think. He got up pretty slowly and we watched while he checked out whether he could walk. He could. He picked up his hat and rubbed his head a lot. He was probably pretty sore. We told him he didn’t need to worry about our water bucket, but he filled it anyway and made sure we were ok for the night. Despite his accidental loss of consciousness he had to make sure we were all tucked in.  As he left, we noticed that he was walking a little slow, but we were fairly certain he was going to be ok and would not die any time soon. We were awfully glad for that.

I think under the circumstances the Dud and I did pretty well, considering we didn't have a first aid book on hand. And may I point out that during all of this the goats did not contribute in any meaningful way... whatsoever... at all... which is yet another commentary on the great value and protective nature of donkeys and why we out-rank the goats. Yep, we sure carry our weight around here, that's for sure, and we were more than happy to assist.  Everyone does so much for us, it's the least we could do...

Love,

Donkey

My Farm Lady

2011-10-09T17:56:00.000-07:00

Because of my farm lady, three (count ‘em three) horses just went to their new farms! This is very excellent news because our equine friends really deserved to have their very own families who will love them forever and ever! Dudley and I hosted a little goodbye get-together in the pasture to send them off. Our friends were sure looking a whole lot better compared to when they first came to us, that’s for sure. They were feeling confident and happy; their bodies were sound and they were feeling just fine.

While here, Major learned to stop jumping over stall doors and fences (that habit was not in his best interest, let me tell you). He now knows how to stand quietly in his stall. He sure worried everyone a whole lot when he first came here and he caused quite a bit of havoc, especially the morning he jumped the fence to get to the girls which was the same morning my farm lady had to leave for the airport. Trust me, that was not a good day around here. But Major eventually learned to relax and hang out and I know that all will be well in his new home.

Faith did an exceptional job raising her baby (remember my letter about the New Kid on the Block?) We will miss her. She was such a good mom. Now this was a horse that was absolutely destined to go to that place where Unspeakable Things happen, but because of how that baby was born, and because of my farm lady (along with another very special farm person), they came here to live and Faith now has her own family and a little girl who adore her. That story nearly brings tears to my eyes if I really think about what might have happened, it really does. Her story came very close to having a tragic ending.

And Miss Belle found her forever home too. When she came, she had wounds all over her body because when she worked in the fields no one paid attention to see if her plowing gear fit her properly. It didn’t. She had big sores when she came, but my farm lady tended to those wounds and Belle healed up just fine, started feeling good and was ready to go to her new farm in no time at all.

So my farm lady does remarkable things, although I’m not always sure she thinks so. I’m just guessing, but I’m pretty sure she thinks she doesn’t do enough in this world. She doesn’t always give herself credit for knowing what it means to the horses when she helps them relax and feel safe. And she probably doesn’t think she is doing much when she gives them medicine or bathes them in special shampoo when their skin is rotting or they have big wounds. And I’m not always sure she realizes what it means when she finds the horses their own special families who will love them and be gentle and kind to them forever. She has been doing this for so long, she probably just thinks it is her job, but we all know that she saves the horses lives. She is our hero. She could not do more if she tried and we are really proud of her.

So she does big, important things like this and she does a lot of other things too, every day, even when she does not have the time. Like making sure there is enough hay in the barn (donkeys believe this is a very critical item), and grain, and medicine when we need it, and making sure the animal doctor comes out if we aren’t feeling well, or the dentist or the chiropractor or the foot doctor. But she also does other things that no one sees at all. Like letting all of us know every day that she loves us and that we are safe and that it is her job to make sure we are OK and that we don’t have to worry about anything.

It doesn’t get any better than this, having her. We are the lucky ones…

So thank you for loving us, farm lady. We see what you do every day. And we all love you right back.

Love,

Donkey

It's Been A Good Week

2011-09-25T01:33:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty productive around here lately, doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Here are some of the highlights...

I've continued to spend a considerable amount of time keeping a watchful eye on the place, as I mentioned in my previous letter.

Dudley has helped a bit. I've got him in training.

This job requires an advanced level of skill, intelligence and patience. Not every donkey is qualified.

Here you get a good idea of just how how much expertise is required.

I hope we get as much done this coming week. Yep, we contribute a lot around here, that's for sure...

Love,

Donkey

Sorry I Haven't Written In Awhile...

2011-09-19T01:48:00.000-07:00

But I've been pretty busy keeping an eye on the place.

Love,

Donkey

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

2011-07-29T12:05:00.000-07:00

There are two adorable little girls who belong to one of our farm people. I got to meet them not long ago.  They seem quite sweet and smart and well-behaved and they really love the horses.  That's for sure.

You know what they did? You will not believe this, I promise...

A few weeks ago they had the idea, all by themselves, to try and raise some money so that the farm people could save a horse from an auction where Unspeakable Things occur. The girls thought long and hard about how they could do this. At first, they weren't sure what they could possibly do. They are only small children, after all. Well, they thought and thought and thought some more. And this is what they thought up.

The girls are both learning to play instruments. One is getting quite good at "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". They thought they might play their instruments to raise some money. So they made a sign and asked their mother to take them to town, and they set up on the sidewalk and played. And the town people who happened to walk by stopped to listen, and they read the sign and they learned about the horses that need help and they gave their hard-earned money to the girls so they could help a horse.  That is just amazing and heroic if you ask me.

Well, these little girls played and played and raised enough money so that a very special boy horse, who was so scared, panicked, and frantic at the auction could come home to our farm. The girls named him Justice, which is a very fine name. Justice knows what the girls did and he loves them quite a lot for it. See, the farm people (and children) love the horses, and the horses love them right back. They know what the farm people do to help them. Some of you might think this is silly, but it is very true. I know.

Anyway, while this might seem like a simple story about two little girls and some music, it is much more than that. It is a very important story because it tells you what love can do. And determination. And the generosity of people... which is what this place is all about.

Thank you, little musicians...

Love,

Donkey

They Did It Again

2011-07-25T17:29:00.000-07:00

Honestly, my farm people never, ever stop. Guess what they just did. They had a party because they wanted company to come and meet us and learn about the horses that need help. Imagine that. Planning and getting ready for a party when most normal people go on vacation, stretch out in a hammock and read a book, or watch baseball. Someone should really clue them in…

What this means is that it has been a really, really busy few weeks around here, though I guess that is nothing new. The farm people have continued taking care of us, of course, because that never stops. Yep, feeding us, cleaning stalls, scrubbing and filling water buckets and making sure our big box fans are plugged in have taken up a whole lot of their time. And because it has been so hot there have been a bunch of days when we have been inside until the sun starts to go down, which means there is even more stall-cleaning and they have had to deal with us emptying water buckets as fast as they can fill ‘em. And we have new horses, four of them, who need medicine and bandages, plus they need the farm people to simply be with them to talk to them and help them understand that they are going to be taken care of and loved, so that takes up a whole bunch of time, but the farm people don’t mind that part at all. I'm pretty sure they love that part the most.

Everyone has also been busy getting hay up into the top of the barn, mowing, pulling weeds, raking, putting down mulch and painting to get ready for our company. I told them no one would care about a few weeds, it is a farm after all and the farm is in the country and our company surely would not mind a few weeds, but my farm people wouldn’t listen and pulled away… They can be hard-headed sometimes… and I am very qualified to say that because I know a thing or two about holding one’s ground.

So I am glad to report that we were ready for our company on time and we met a lot of nice people who came to meet us and learn about the horses.

I thought you might like to see what happened around here…

The horses met some wonderful children, who really loved them.

Dudley did a great job greeting everyone.

I did too. Check out my new halter. I think I look dashing.

A cowboy rode his trusty steed.

There were hay rides in the pasture. Everyone liked that a lot.

Everyone visited with our new little filly, Sprite.

So we met lots of nice kids and grown ups and everyone had a lot of fun and loved meeting all of us. It was a good day around here and the farm people were very glad that everyone came out for a visit. We'll have to do it again sometime.

Love,

Donkey

Who Knew?

2011-07-19T06:35:00.000-07:00

Well, all I can say is who knew that the little Dud would actually be a fairly decent ambasador, and out in public no less! I know! It's amazing and shocking, I agree. Guess that vet visit awhile back did some good.

Here's what I'm talking about.  The farm people were invited by a very nice lady at Pet Supplies Plus to come to their store so customers could learn about our farm and what we do for the horses.  It was a very, very nice invitation and the farm people were excited to go.  So a few weeks back, on a Saturday morning, they headed out with storyboards, T-shirts and the fake stuffed horses to sell, and all kinds of other things in boxes. I'm not sure what was in all those boxes, but it was a lot of stuff.

I sort of guessed they were going to take Lego too. Did I ever mention him? He is the miniature horse that lives here and he is kind of a mascot too (though I am higher ranking) and kids just love him because he is small and well behaved. Well, he is pretty well behaved when he is not pawing the ground or trying to eat every non-edible thing in sight, like brushes and buckets and zip ties. So I knew that Lego would probably be heading out. But I never, ever guessed that they'd think about taking Dudley, with the driveway incident and all. Now I completely understand why they considered this idea. He is rather small and they thought kids would like him and would be interested in meeting a donkey. All I can say is the farm people must have had a lot of faith in the vet because they ended up taking him on a road trip.

At first I was a little bummed that I wasn't going to represent the farm and all good-natured donkeys everywhere, however I remembered that all animals who go on outings have to be clean. And that is when my interest in going immediately stopped. For my long-time readers, I think you'll remember my position on cleanliess. For those of you who have not read all of my letters you might want to reference "I Don't Think So" which is a letter I published back in March.  This will help you understand what I am talking about. It's a position I simply cannot compromise.

Well, I was right and I knew for sure that I was right when Lego was fetched from the pasture and got a bath and got his tail braided (give me a break, he's a boy!) and Dud got hosed off and all brushed and got his hooves picked. Of course he stood like a little statue while he was getting groomed, just to show off and to try and prove he is calm and easy-going. I'm pretty sure he is still on his best behavior to avoid any risk whatsoever of going back to the auction, but whatever... Nonetheless, he got cleaned up, he loaded in the trailer after Lego (yep, very show-offy) and off they went.  I wondered how things would go.

Well, you can see for yourself. Here are some picture about their day...

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Here they are. All set up and ready for visitors.

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Lego and Dud had their own story board.

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Me too. But I had one all to myself. (Thank you, Mary!)

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This is Lego. Kids love him.

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Unlike me, Lego loves getting brushed.

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A new friend.

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Dudley had his fans too.
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Trying to prove he is better than me and that he likes getting brushed. Show off.

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Giving a kiss.

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Getting treats. Yeah, he made out like a bandit.

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Begging for a french fry.

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Meeting a new non-kid friend.

So they had a great day and taught some people about the farm and what they could do to help, if they wished. And the very, exceptionally nice Pet Supplies Plus lady gave us a gigantic donation so that we could rescue more horses! How surprising and wonderful is that! The farm people were very happy indeed and and thought it was better than Christmas morning, let me tell you. They are still smiling about that one...

I'm thinking that it will be just fine if Dudley wants to continue getting cleaned up to go on outings. I'll stay here and keep an eye on the place and keep on being the important mascot that I am and keep writing you letters.

Yep, I think that will work out just fine, just fine indeed. It was a good day...

Love,

Donkey

Not Yet Sure: Part II

2011-06-30T03:18:00.000-07:00

If you will remember, I was telling you about Dudley's obsession with me and how he is stalking me day and night and that he beckoned me to the fence line not too long ago. Remember? And remember that I didn't tell you the whole story to keep you in suspense? Well, I think I actually blew the suspense part because I think I should not have waited so long to tell you the rest of the story. It occurred to me that if you wait too long, you lose your audience so I'm really sorry about that. And I think my editor is none too happy about that mistake either. They want more people to read about the farm. They don't want people to get annoyed with me. So now I think I'm going to be micro-managed and have deadlines because I messed up the timing. Great. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to like being on probation and I am quite sure I will be utterly dismayed if my reporting job goes to you-know-who... Remember, those guys who are even shorter than me...

Anyway, I was telling you about the Dud zeroing in on me all of the time and that there was one particular day that I agreed to come over to see him, though I was not quite sure what was going to happen. I very bravely approached the fence, not knowing what to expect and not quite sure what I was going to say. And here is what happened. Are you ready? Are you feeling suspense right now? Because if you are I may have done my job after all and maybe my editorial board will back off...

So here is what happened...

We sniffed.

We practiced being next to each other.

We sniffed some more and stared.

We had a talk. I told him he needed to back off. I said it nicely, but firmly.

And that's it! Nothing else occurred! Of course there was the obligatory ear pinning and tail swishing and snorting because Little D still secretly thinks he is the big cheese. But there was not an over abundance of testosterone and there were no teeth and he didn't want to kill me. Hallelujah! He was definitely much calmer and not inclined to fight. I think he's going to settle down and drop the dramatics. Well, at least he did today, which is a start. We have to be thankful for small steps.

So for right now I don't think you have to worry about us. I think the Dud now understands that I am the boss and he is the new guy on the block and he just has to back off. Yep, I think I'm handling this just fine... My talk obviously did some good and I am very encouraged by our progress...

Love,

Donkey

Not Yet Entirely Sure About the Dud

2011-06-23T04:01:00.000-07:00

I'm still not entirely sure about little Milk Dud, as you shall see... I must say I am relieved that he remains on the other side of the fence.

He always knows where I am and what I am doing. He has radar and is constantly tracking me. Doesn't he have anything else to do?

Now he's working his way to the fence line. I am on the other side.

Now he is staring at me and sending ESP messages.

Better get this over with and see what he wants. (I'm the guy on the left).

I hope this goes ok...

You will be surprised to find out that you have to stay tuned for the rest of the story. My editor says I need to work on creating suspense so my readers come back and statistics don't drop. Sorry, but you will just have to keep checking in to see what happens... (Editors and editorial boards can be annoying. I much prefer having creative license over my work.)

Love,

Donkey

He Has a Name!

2011-06-14T19:24:00.000-07:00

I just heard that the new whippersnapper has a name after the farm people and all of our friends gave this a lot of careful thought and consideration. But best of all I am very happy to report that the farm people listened to me and did not name him something that would forevermore frighten me or forevermore make it hard for me to be in charge of him. I'm thanking everybody for that one! I think this proves that I am loved quite a lot, and for that I am eternally grateful. See, I told you the farm people understand and love animals...

Of course you are wondering what the new donkey's new name is.... Well, it's not anything like "Zeus"or "Your Majesty" which is a very good thing and which I was quite worried about. It's Dudley! I think it is perfect. It will work just fine because hearing his name won't take me back to the terrible day in the driveway and it allows me to maintain my preferential rank in the pasture. But best of all, you can make a food out of it... Watch. Milk Dud! See? Not scary. Not scary at all. I am breathing a big sigh of relief, let me tell you.

I think The Dud and I are going to be just fine. Yep, Little D is a perfect name.

So thank you farm people for helping me out. You are the best...

Love,

Donkey

Suggestions for Naming the New Donkey

2011-06-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

I know that people are giving a lot of thought to what we should name the new donkey.  I have been thinking about this as well and here are some suggestions... not that anyone has asked me. Humph...

I would definitely not recommend giving him a name that has anything to do with power, strength, or authority.   His head is already too big and my job is to take him down a notch or two. This means that a name like Czar or Thor is out. If he had a name like that he would think he was the lightweight champion of the pasture and we'd never hear the end of it.  The horses definitely agree with me here. Ask any of them. I mean really, can you picture it? I am going to be in charge of this guy (eventually, once he figures out that he is not the boss), which means I will be telling him what to do sometimes. And I imagine he might not always be thrilled with my direction.  How will it ever work if he has a big, important name? It would be like me saying "Your Highness,  I get in line first for breakfast, not you", like he is going to listen to that.  Or "Your Highness, get out of here. Major and I are playing right now and you are not invited". C'mon. That is just not realistic.  My job is going to be hard enough without having to defer to him on account of a name!

Plus, a big, fancy name would give me flashbacks because I'd be constantly reminded of the terrible day in the driveway when my life flashed before my eyes. That would definitely not be a good thing.  Just imagine if his name was Terminator.  For evermore, when anyone calls him or talks to him or about him, and I'm around, I will think of the scary day in the drive when he tried to take me down. I can easily imagine that I could be having a perfectly fine day, grazing or hanging out with the farm people and someone would say "Where's Terminator?" or "Did you hear what Terminator did today?" and in that split-second-of-a-moment I would be taken back to the day I got beat up. I'd be scared all over again. You want my post traumatic stress symptoms to go away, don't you? Trust me, that kind of name will not help me at all. And, if needed, I can probably find a shrink who will vouch for me on that one...

So after much thought, I say name him after food.   Food would be good and it would definitely not give me flashbacks. Food isn't scary and it isn't going to go to his head.  I'd suggest Muffin or Buckwheat.  Actually, you can try any food. It all works. Watch. Pepperoni. Not scary. Hershey. Spud. Nope, not scary. You can literally say any food and it does not conjure up images of the driveway incident. Or, if you don't like the food idea we could give him a nice name from an interesting historical figure or TV personality, something like Edsel, Gershwin, Columbo or Radar. See? Not even remotely scary... Or maybe a name like Elroy or Junior, a name that is obviously lower ranking than Donkey.  That'd be great too and would keep me from feeling all frightened and jittery and remembering the day I was almost killed.

I'm just saying that in the end his name should be benign and a statement of his rank, it should not jeopardize my mental health or undermine my status in the pasture. While I realize no one asked (yeah, like that didn't escape me), these are my recommendations on naming him anyway...

So I sincerely hope I have some clout around here and that the farm people will take my suggestions into consideration as they think about naming this guy.

Thank you everyone.

Love,

Donkey

Bulking Up

2011-06-07T05:16:00.000-07:00

Major agreed to train me and it's going pretty well. We work out twice a day, once in the early morning and again in the evening, after it cools off. First, there are laps around the pasture, then wind sprints and then we use the weave poles for agility.  That takes care of cardio. I am working hard on strength training. In addition, I am practicing bobbing, ducking, dodging and spinning on my feet. Trust me, I'm practicing the these things a lot because I think it's going to save my hide if you-know-who decides to come after me again.  I am pleased to report that I am seeing results. My strength is improving.  I am definitely quicker on my feet. My confidence has returned.

At night the farm people have been putting the new whippersnapper in a stall by me so we can see each other and practice being near each other.   He has not yet tried to sink his teeth into me under the cover of darkness, but then, I am a light sleeper so he doesn't have much of a chance. A few times the farm people have put us together again in the driveway, just for a little while, to give me a chance to show the new donkey my stuff. And I am pleased to report that I have! The new guy thought about taking me down, and tried, but because I have been working out and am much quicker on my feet I have been able to spin and glare and bite and he has backed off. Hooray for me!  I think he will learn in time. I really do. It would be nice if we could be buddies some day.  Another short guy running around here might be kind of fun.

So things are going better. My side doesn't hurt any more, the bite marks are healing, and I am pretty sure he is not going to get the upper hand again. Oh yeah, and the animal doctor is coming today so that should help.  So now he'll be sore for a few days. We'll see what happens after he heals up... I'll keep you posted.

Love,

Donkey

PS: By the way, here is a picture of the beast... looking all cute and harmless...Trust me, he's not...

Current Strategy for Dealing with New Whippersnapper While I'm Bulking Up

2011-06-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

Hiding...

but staying alert. You can't be too careful.

Oh oh. Here he comes. Better duck.

He'll never find me...

Love,

Donkey

The Young Whippersnapper vs.The Farm Mascot

2011-06-02T02:59:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been an interesting week around here, that's for sure. Of course, everyone is still sad about Ginger and that is just going to take time. You simply can't rush making all the sad feelings go away.

But there's another big thing that I need to tell you. When the farm people went to the auction to get Ginger a few weeks back they also got another donkey!!!   I don't know if you already knew that.   Maybe you read it on the website. But, yep, there's a little mini me running around here.  I am glad that he didn't end up in that place where Unspeakable Things happen to animals, and I have definitely learned that there is enough love to go around, so I am not worried people will like him more than me, but you really aren't going to believe this one.

Everything started out alright. When new animals come to the farm they need to be kept separate from all of us in case they are sick, so at first I didn't see him because he was in the other barn. But you can bet your bottom dollar I heard him! That boy has a set of lungs on him that you would not believe! The farm people said he sounds like me on helium, which I guess is a compliment, but he is really, really loud and really, really high-pitched and he can bray forever!  He has an impressive set of chops, let me tell you!  The horses only wish they could whinny for so long and in such an authoritative fashion.  Needless to say I was very, very curious when I heard this new boy from afar.

And of course I also knew he was here because I heard the farm people talking about him.  It happens every single time we get a new animal, so I'm pretty used to it.  And of course it's no surprise they were saying things like:

1) He's so cute! (Like I haven't heard that one before.)
2) He looks like a big stufffed animal! (Heard it.)
3) Awwwww... Look at that face! (Hey, all donkeys are adorable. It's no surprise that he has a cute face).
4) He is so good! He is 180 degrees different from our Donkey! (OK, so I guess he picks up his feet without any problem to get his hooves picked. Big deal...I say it's still the honeymoon phase and he is not going to risk being dropped back off at the auction. You bet he is not going to make a fuss. I predict that this cooperative thing will change though... he's a donkey after all.)

So basically, I gathered that the new mini me looks like a donkey and is cooperative (at least for the time being. I still have my doubts.) I was quite curious indeed...

Well, the farm people decided that we could finally meet and this is when the other part of this big story happens. They brought us both out in the driveway (don't worry, the gate was closed so we were safe and couldn't go anywhere, which was both a good thing and a bad thing, as you will see) and I'll be darned if the new whippersnapper charged me and tried to kill me... Literally. I'm not exaggerating one bit.  You can ask the farm people. Before I, or anyone, knew it, that little mini me who is "so cute" and who "looks like a stufffed animal" and "is 180 degrees better than" me (yeah, someone better take that one back) tried to take my head off. In the blink of an eye I was on the ground, his front legs were wrapped around my neck, and he was trying to sink his teeth into me! I was so taken by surprise (and so incredibly pinned down by a testosterone-charged newbie who unfairly took the upper hand when I wasn't even looking) that I couldn't move. And that's saying a lot because I am way bigger than he is and very, very strong. But, nope, I was pinned and I wasn't going anywhere.   He was determined to take me down.. and out...

My life flashed before my eyes...

The farm people ran over and ran him off, though it took some doing. When I could stand up I ran off too because self preservation sounded like a really good idea and donkeys are all about self preservation. But in the commotion, with all the running, we both rounded the horse trailer from opposite sides, came nose to nose again, and he took me down a second time! Wow, I was not expecting another round. The farm people intervened again and got him off of me. They were actually able to separate us that time (good thing) and they made a very wise rule which states that we cannot be with each other, at least not for right now. They are really worried this new boy could kill me!  So I have been limping around here for the past few days with a sore side and wounded pride.   I'm going to be ok, but it was quite a shock, let me tell you.

Well, now that things have settled down, the last laugh is on him because I happen to know that the animal doctor is coming to see him and perform a certain procedure, if you know what I mean. The farm people hope this is going to calm him down and put an end to his "I wanna be the lightweight champion of the pasture" attitude.  In the meantime, just to play it safe, I think I am going to start bulking up so that I'll be in better shape in the event there is another round. Maybe Major can be my personal trainer... Yeah, that's a good idea.. a really good idea..

So here's looking over my shoulder and keeping an eye out, at least for the time being.

Like I said, it's been an interesting week... I hope next week is better.

Love,

Donkey

Tears

2011-05-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

I have said before that this is a very special place. This is a place where horses come that have not always been loved or taken care of and the farm people help them heal and feel safe and find them new families that will love them forever. Do you remember me telling you about that in my very first letter?

Well I hate telling you this part because it is sad, but sometimes a horse comes to the farm that is very sick. And sometimes it turns out that neither the farm people, nor the animal doctor, can help them get better... no matter how much they want to. Sometimes all of the medicine and love in the world cannot help. Everyone just hates it when that is the truth, but sometimes that is the way things are.

We just got a new girl horse from the auction and it was a good thing because Unspeakable Things would have happened to her if we didn't bring her here. We named her Ginger. But when the animal doctor came to give her a check up we learned that she was a very sick girl who could not get better. Let me tell you, that was a sad day and the start of very sad week. The farm people cried about the news and all of the animals were sad too because we wanted her to feel better and have a wonderful life. Well, that could not happen so the farm people had to put her to sleep. Sometimes that is what they have to do. They buried Ginger here on the farm. They cried a lot and were very sad and also very mad at the people who had not taken care of her. I think they hate those people, I really do.

So sometimes it is pretty tough around here. The farm people have to deal with a lot because they love animals so much. I don't know how they do it, I really don't, but I know they are all glad that Ginger came here so that she could feel love at the end of her life and that she did not have the terrible ending that would have been her fate otherwise. She felt love, I know she did, because that is what we do. We just wish it could have been a different ending....

I think we are going to be crying for awhile around here... So please say a prayer for my farm people, that the big sad feelings will stop hurting so much, and please say a prayer for sweet Ginger, that she will always, always remember the love she was given...

Love,

Donkey

Feeling Better

2011-05-17T02:59:00.000-07:00

Thank you to the farm people who helped make me feel better. Everything is ok now. I decided that it will be ok if dinner is occasionally a little late because of the baby. He really is pretty cute and, like I said, I'm glad he and his mom are here...

Getting a hug and talking things over.

My fans remain loyal and steadfast.

They think I'm pretty cool, but they said I couldn't have any beer.

So what they all told me is that all of the animals who live here are loved, that there is plenty of love to go around and that it never runs out. I believe them.

Love,

Donkey

New Kid on the Block

2011-05-16T03:45:00.000-07:00

Well, if you have been paying attention at all to the website you should know by now that we got a new baby a few weeks back. Let me tell you, this kid is the most famous little guy in the county! He has been in the newspaper twice and he has been on TV, not that he said much during the interview. You would think the TV people would have wanted a comment from the mascot for their news clip wouldn't you? Humphh... They didn't.

And if you remember the movie Field of Dreams with Kevin Coster, when he had more hair, you will know what I mean about the company coming. Remember the "if you build it, they will come" line? Well, this baby is no less famous than that baseball field, let me tell you. Just like in the movie, cars have been coming down the road, one right after the other, pulling into the driveway day and night and everyone who gets out can only say one thing: "We stopped to see the baby"! Sometimes there is so much company that our dinner is actually late because everyone is oohing and ahhing over him, and the farm people, who have known this little guy since he arrived, join right in. They all seem transfixed. Everyone stands around and watches him eat and drink and stand and lay down. They watch him in the pasture. They watch him in his stall. They are constantly talking about his long legs and his whiskers and they are constantly taking pictures of him. He doesn't change that much from moment to moment does he? I have even noticed that the farm people, when working, all of a sudden stop what they are doing just to walk over and watch him. They simply stand and stare with big smiles on their faces. And they are all carrying cameras around like tourists visiting the Grand Canyon. It's like he has cast a spell over everyone...

He sleeps.

He wakes up.

He eats. That's about it.

So alright. We have firmly established and agree that this little boy is cute and that his legs are unusually long.  So why, oh why, do people have to keep saying these things over and over?   I have to point out that it seems people are losing focus slightly and are forgetting about the importance of the mascot and regular feeding schedules.

Lest I sound disgruntled, please let me be the first to say that this little guy and his mother absolutely deserve and need to be here. He was born in the worst possible place in the entire world! Do you remember me telling you about my Ohio people and how they got me? And that if they had not bought me at the auction.... oh, I cannot say it again out loud... it's too awful.... Let's just say that I really do understand where this little guy and his mom came from, and I know that none of us want to think about their potential fate had they not come here. It makes everyone shudder, I just know it..

But I must point out that sooner or later life needs to return to normal, meaning that certain animals need to be fed on time, so I'm simply suggesting that it might be time to stop all of the special attention, or at least all of the picture taking, and resume normal activities. I'm really glad that this baby is here, and that he and his mom are safe, and I prefer regular meals.  Hunger pangs are most objectionable to donkeys.

Love,

Donkey

A Secret Pasture Game

2011-05-08T10:31:00.000-07:00

So I have been telling you a lot about playing lately and there is one last thing about playing that we all love and that we all keep secret. The farm people have no idea at all that this exists... I am only telling you, and I can only tell you part of it, because you might find this interesting. You might be rather surprised to find out that animals are so inventive.

THIS is our most favorite thing to play when no one is around!

We invented this game one dreary morning some months ago. All I can say is that it is kind of about weave poles, like the agility dogs use, and it is kind of about a giant hamster wheel. I cannot say more because I am sworn to secrecy and cannot tell you exactly how we play or the rules (although one horse, who shall remain nameless, still argues over rule #2. It does create an occasional problem, but we generally work it out).

The only thing I can say is that we have a lot of fun, need a stop watch, and get a little dizzy...

Boy, the things the farm people don't know about...

Love,

Donkey

Playing by Myself

2011-05-06T19:10:00.000-07:00

So you may wonder what I like to do when Major doesn't want to play, like when he is interested in the girls and drops me like a hot potato. Well, what I am going to say next will probably shock some of you. It's about donkeys and playing and I bet you will be amazed at what I am about to say. Some of you will be doubtful but I promise that everything I am about to tell you is true.

Sometimes I like playing ball...

And sometimes I like playing catch with Lilly. We have fun together.

And sometimes I like riding the scooter, though getting down the gravely driveway can be a challenge. Donkeys have excellent balance however, which makes this feat possible.

I think I'll take it for a spin.

Wait, is someone handing out treats in the barn?

Guess not. Better get going!

So if you are driving down a country road some day and for a split second think you see a flash of a little donkey on a fancy red scooter, and then laugh to yourself and think you must be imagining things... Well, I have news for you... It just might be someone you know who has four legs, is very clever, has good balance and is quite talented...

Love,

Donkey

Playing with my buddy, Major

2011-05-05T06:02:00.000-07:00

So you know that I have an important job at the farm, being the mascot and all. But there are times when I can relax and play. Maybe you didn't know that donkeys like to play, but they do and I really like playing with Major, as you will see.

These are some of the things we do in our spare time.

Major and I like running and chasing....

and wrestling....

and kicking... Well, I like kicking anyway.

and playing tug-of-war...

and bugging each other...

Yeah, bugging is the best... .

So if you ever want to come by and play just let us know, because we say the more the merrier!

Love,

Donkey

Good Morning!

2011-05-04T05:39:00.000-07:00

Good Morning everyone! Hope you have a good day!

Love,

Donkey

Readership Responds to Donkeys Request

2011-04-28T07:57:00.000-07:00

Well I guess that people are reading my reports after all, which is good for me and bad for the goats. I heard the farm people talking and there are now over 100 likes on that facebook thing I don't really understand AND there are over 1058 hits on my blog on the website, whatever that means, AND (yes, there is more) they said there are nearly 2000 youtube hits about the farm. Now I really don't have a clue at all what that is, but it sounds most excellent!

Anyway, I think my job is safe at the moment because those sound like really big numbers to me and it sounds like we have some fans and that I have some statistics to prove that I am a reporter-worthy donkey. So I'm going to breathe a little sigh of relief that my job is safe, at least for now.

Thank you everyone for helping me out...   Just so you know, the goats are a little bummed, but I don't care...

Love,

Donkey

Donkey Reporter Must Improve Statistics

2011-04-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

OK. So I don't really know at all what Facebook is, but I heard the farm people talking and they were saying they only had 34 "likes" about the farm and my blog. I don't get it. I know that way more than 34 people came to our party in the rain and that way more than 34 people like us, so what's up with that?

So I think this is not good news and I am now feeling a little worried that my editor-in-chief might give me the boot and give the goats a shot at the blog. This has never occurred to me before. Being demoted would be worse humiliation than wearing bunny ears for a day, I just know it. What if I get canned because there are only 34 "likes"? And I don't have any negotiating power because I barely have any blog comments either, so I don't even know if people even read my reports. Oh, I think this might be terrible...

So please help me prove that I am a worthy little donkey. I must preserve my very important position of mascot and reporter. I simply cannot let the goats take over. I'd never hear the end of it.

I'd be eternally grateful if you can help. I'll keep you posted on how things go, assuming I still have a job...

Love,

Donkey

Reflections on Our Party in the Rain

2011-04-19T05:41:00.000-07:00

I know I already told you a lot about our party. You know, about all of the special things for the children and all of the food and all of the hard work. But I think I need to say a little bit more to make sure you really, really understand how special these people are and what very special things they did to help us. Not just anyone would go out of their way to do these things, I promise.

I know for sure that some farm people didn’t sleep and some got up way before they really wanted to so we could get ready for our company.
Some people gave up sleep.

I know for sure that some people took the day off work to help.
Some people sacrificed their paychecks.

I know for sure that someone re-scheduled her Senior picture appointment so she could help.
   Some people put off important things they
   have been looking forward to for a long time.

An art teacher had her elementary school students draw pictures for our drawing contest. She talked to her students about our farm and how we help save the horses. This teacher doesn’t even know us and she came out in the pouring rain to bring us the her student's wonderful artwork.
Some people went out of their way to teach children
about us and to make a special deliveries.

Our teenagers and their friend gave up the entire day to help us, plus they spent time before Saturday baking and decorating beautiful cakes, cupcakes, and more.
Some people willingly did nice things that added a
touch of class to the place.

A bunch of strong men gave up their day to put up tents and wrestle them down from the top of the barn when they almost blew away.
Some people gave us their strength.

A bunch of the farm people spent the day talking to our visitors and paying close attention to make sure all of the children had a good time. I'm pretty sure none of them ever sat down, took a break, ate, noticed it was raining, or complained one bit.
Some people put others first and didn't
mind doing so.

A bunch of people who came to the party said they want to come and help the farm people take care of us.
Some people will give us their time.

Other people who came to our party made donations so we can pay the animal doctor and help more horses get better.
Some people gave us their money.

So like I said, after thinking about it the past few days I thought I should tell you a little bit more about these people. Some of the things they did may seem simple, but these things mean the world to us. See, this place is special. We are very, very loved animals and we really, really do understand that people go way out of their way to love and take care of us.

Just thought you'd like to know... and thank you everyone...

Love,

Donkey

Our Party in the Rain

2011-04-17T18:06:00.000-07:00

If you remember, I said awhile back that I thought the farm people were planning something special. And that I thought it might involve baths and bunny ears. Remember? Well, I was right. Yep, this little donkey is pretty smart and can figure things out, let me tell you. I suspected that something was up when all of the farm people showed up on Friday evening. They kept bringing table after table into the barn and they walked around with clip boards and paper and pens and they seemed pretty worried that it was supposed to rain on Saturday. Then, when I saw the pink, satin bunny ears I knew something important was going to happen.

In a previous post I clearly stated my position on bunny ears. So you can bet that while I was in my stall watching and listening to all of this, I was counting how many pair of those ears they had and trying to do math in my head to figure out how many of us were going to get them. You can bet your bottom dollar I was praying that my new halter was not going to be touched… I’m quite sure that I even stopped eating my hay for awhile because of the suspense, and because I was doing math in my head, and it’s hard to do all of that and eat too. Well, I am pleased to report that all of the boy horses all got bunny ears and that -- drum roll, please -- Yours Truly did not, which is very important because it proves that, indeed, I have some real clout around this place and that I undoubtedly have the best ears on the farm. So I was elated when my brand new halter was not touched and that last extra pair of bunny ears went back in the plastic bag that said Michaels. I knew at that moment I was going to be spared emotional pain and public humiliation. My buddies, however, were not so fortunate. Oh well, they should have taken a stand much earlier. They should have followed my lead and listened to me. Maybe someday they’ll learn that I know a thing or two, even though I’m short.

We were up half the night, wondering what was going on. On Saturday morning all of the farm people showed up again. They put up tents and signs and they filled up all of those tables. There were things for sale (remember the stuffed rescue horses?) and you just knew that someone worked really hard to get all that stuff ready. And there was food, food and more food. Honestly, someone put a lot of time into cooking and baking, that’s for sure. There was chili and popcorn and fancy, specially-decorated horse cookies and the most beautiful cupcakes and cakes in the entire world! And then… when all of the work was done…. We had a party!!!!!!!

Why, oh why, can't donkeys have cupcakes?

Or cake?

We had lots and lots of company in the pouring rain and it was very awesome and wonderful and no one seemed to mind even a little bit that it was quite soggy out. Lots of wonderful children came to meet us and eat hot dogs and get their faces painted and look for Easter eggs in the barn and ride the horses when the rain drops slowed down a little bit. People came and asked questions about the farm and what we do, and many of them wanted to know how they could help us. Yep, there sure were lots of nice people that showed up. Some of them even drove from far away, just for us, imagine that…

Our new friends

Cowgirls can wear purple

So it was a great day and a great party and everyone who came thought this was a great and wonderful place. The farm people were very, very happy because all of their hard work paid off and the people who came to visit seemed to have a good time, even though it was raining like it did when Noah built his ark. And we were all happy because we had a very interesting Saturday, hanging out in our warm, dry stalls and meeting lots of new friends. It sure was something. Maybe we’ll do it again sometime.

But first, we all need naps…

Love,

Donkey

Who Dunnit?

2011-04-14T06:20:00.000-07:00

For those of you who might not know, farmers use hay feeders in the pasture to keep big round bales of hay in place. These rings help keep the animals from stomping on the hay and dragging it around and using it as bedding (except for those goats), which is wasteful. When you see hay rings in the pasture they look like this.

Notice proper position of the hay ring and, oh, notice who is inside?

A closer view

But here at my farm, the hay ring sometimes look like this.

None of the farm people have any idea how this happens. As you can imagine, none of us claim responsibilty for flipping the ring and none of us claim to have any information which might implicate a suspect or suspects.

Nope, didn't see a thing...

Maybe it's the new boy. We don't know much about him.

These guys certainly don't know anything.

So I say it has to be those goats...

All I know is that I'm not talking because it's really fun to keep them all guessing...

Love,

Donkey

Sad and Glad

2011-04-10T11:57:00.000-07:00

So Tess, one of our girl horses, just went to her new forever home. She is a cute, fuzzy-eared girl with ears almost as good as mine. She was adopted by a very nice lady, with a very nice daughter, who simply adore her and were over-the-moon excited to get her. I hear they don’t even care that she can be a twit when she eats – now that’s love…

We are all a little sad because it’s hard to say good bye to our friends, but remember, that’s what this place is all about. And we are also really glad because Tess has a brand new family. You see, it’s both feelings at the same time.

So good bye sweet Tess. We’ll miss you (the sad part) and we are glad you have a brand new family (the glad part).

Bye Fuzzy-Eared Girl.

Love,

Donkey

The New Boy

2011-04-09T03:38:00.000-07:00

So we got a new boy a few weeks ago. He’s pretty skinny and quiet, but he seems alright. I’m pretty sure he has never seen a donkey before, or goats for that matter, but we all know he hasn’t missed anything there. I can tell he’s a bit unsure about this new place, but he’ll get used to everyone and until then it’s my job to be his friend because that’s what a good mascot does.

Well, because of my important position I was the first one allowed in his pasture the other day to visit. It didn’t go as well as expected. The timing was off because when the farm people sent me in the new boy was busy making eyes at the girls who were right next door. And those girls were very busy making eyes right back at him… They couldn’t stop looking at him and they were showing off like crazy, shamelessly prancing around and running back and forth trying to be the one that he liked the most. Hasn’t anyone ever heard of subtlety? They were just goo goo over him. It was kind of an uncomfortable situation to walk into, with all the flirting and showing off and all, but I had a job to do.

The Approach

Now I like the girls well enough, don’t get me wrong, but I like hay much more. And there were beautiful flakes of hay right by the fence line which is where all of this nonsense was taking place. I wandered over to the hay but the new boy thought I was challenging him and wanted to take his place with the girls, so he was instantly annoyed with me, spun around, and ran me off. Because donkeys tolerate misunderstandings quite well and are known for their persistence, I didn’t hesitate to wander back over to the hay. I wanted him to know that I didn’t care a bit about the girls and that I was just hungry. Well, he spun around and ran me off again… and again... and again. He really was not getting it… not at all.

I see the pinned ears, buddy. I get it.

He's spinning and I'm getting out of the way. Hey, he's bigger than me!

Now I have a lot of patience for a little donkey but I admit I got fed up (with irritated feelings, not with hay) so I let him have it. Yep, I blasted him with my braying and I told him in no uncertain terms that I did not appreciate him charging me like that and that he best knock it off. I wish you could have been there because I sounded awesome, let me tell you! It was some of my best vocal work, really… I rocked the pasture and I’m quite sure they heard me into the next county, which is pretty far away. I told that new boy loud and clear that he needed to stop being so bossy and let me get to the hay, that he was new kid on the block and he was not in charge and he should at least respect my higher rank in the farm equine pecking order. Well, despite my best work I am embarrassed to say he didn’t actually listen to me and because he would not stop running me off and because he is much bigger than me, I had no choice but to wander back in the pasture and sulk – without any hay at all. You know once in awhile I wish some of the other horses would take over this Wal-Mart greeter job. It can be pretty tough... And I can assure you I don't get paid enough for this degree of hassle...

Communication 101 in the donkey world

Giving it another try...

And another... (oh brother, look at those two)

Sadly, things didn't go quite as planned.

Well since then I am pleased to report that the new boy and I have become friends. He eventually realized his mistake and he now understands that I care much more about hay than romance. He has stopped running me off and I have decided he is alright. I have shown him around the place and told him all about the important stuff, like the dry erase board, the feeding schedule, and which farm people might give you some extra carrots or treats if you look especially sweet (that would be all of them, actually). I think he’s gonna be just fine when he settles in.

The things I do around here…

Love,

Donkey

New Artwork For My Stall

2011-04-03T17:19:00.000-07:00

I'm framing this for my stall...

And this...

And then I'm gonna do this.

And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you are not keeping up...

Love,

Donkey

Thank You, Farm People

2011-04-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was very interesting around here. We had a work day and a bunch of the farm people came to work on all sorts of farm projects. I'm pretty sure they had other important things to do, or maybe they had a long week and wanted to relax at home, but they didn't. They came to help us out because they care about us. Boy, if that doesn't warm a little donkey’s heart, I don't know what does. But if you remember at the very beginning, I told you this is a special place. And if you don't know what I'm talking about then you didn't read my very first post and you should because it's really important.

Plus some new helper people came to work too! We hadn't even met some of them before! They just thought it would be nice to come out and do what needed doing. It sure was nice having them around...

The biggest news around here is that we are getting new stalls in the back barn! Now this is very cool and we are really looking forward to it, but it means that some old, old concrete needs to come out before stall-building can start. So yesterday there were a lot of people who claimed they didn’t care if they got dirty, who claimed they weren’t bothered by the loud, awful jackhammer noise, who claimed their backs didn’t hurt, and who claimed they were happy to haul chunks of concrete out of the barn all day. They worked really hard, let me tell you, and I’m pretty sure that they all went home and went to bed early last night. They had to be tuckered out at the end of the day. I know I would be.

There was also lots of barn cleaning and painting and wheel barrow dumping, and sorting and stacking and raking and spreading old straw out in the low spots in the pastures. Some of our favorite teenagers were here with their friend, and they did a ton of work too. One of them actually got stuck in mud way out in the pasture and had to be rescued by her friends. They probably didn’t know it but I was watching and ready to come and pull her out if they needed help. But they got her unstuck just fine and kept on working. Not one complaint out of any of them. Boy, those are some great kids, let me tell you.

So while people were buzzing around here all day, we were hanging out in the pasture watching everyone. And maybe they didn’t know it, but all of us knew they were doing these things because they love us. So all of us want to thank our special farm people, those we have known for a long time and our brand new friends too. You make this a great place to live and we all agree on this one, even those goofy goats…

Love,

Donkey

Farm Management Responds Favorably to Donkey's Demands: Ongoing Hunger Strike Averted

2011-03-29T07:16:00.000-07:00

If I were a newspaper man this would be my headline in today's paper. I am pleased to report that my hunger strike did not go unnoticed and that management took swift and effective action in recognizing the validity to my argument about the feed schedule. A new schedule was implemented last night and I now officially get two handfuls of grain for each of my meals. (I know I was asking for three, but I'm willing to compromise here). The point is that things are now fair between Chip and I and, much more importantly, I now officially rank higher than those goats.

It's going to be a good day...

Love,

Donkey

Hunger Strike

2011-03-27T15:02:00.000-07:00

So if you have been paying attention at all you will remember that I told you about the dry erase board in the barn that tells all of the farm people how much to feed us. Remember? It says: Donkey – handful. And do you remember me telling you about a certain diet pasture? And that my friend Chip has to sometimes go in there with me? Yeah, he and I have been on stupid diets all winter long.

Well, I am rather perturbed because I recently noticed that Chip’s portion size has increased. The board now says he gets ¼ of a scoop for breakfast and dinner instead of 1/8^th. And I’m smart enough to know that the biggest fraction has the smallest number on the bottom. I don’t really get that but I know that’s the rule. So what’s the deal? Why is Chip getting more? If this means we are moving into the maintenance phase of our diets, why doesn’t the board say: Donkey – two handfuls? It must be an oversight.

Well, let’s just say that I am not happy that no one has noticed this error so this morning I decided to go on a hunger strike to draw attention to this problem. I did not come into the barn when called for breakfast. I did not follow the other horses, as I always do. The farm person even came out into the pasture to get me and I said I was not hungry, thank you very much, that I did not intend to eat and that I was not going to come. There.

Pay attention people… What else can I possibly do? How else am I supposed to tell you that there is a grave error on the dry erase board? Will you please hurry up and correct my portion size? I deserve at least two handfuls… Actually, I just changed my mind. I think I deserve three handfuls because of the pain and aggravation all of this has caused. Yep, three it is….

So I’m just hoping that they figure it out soon because now I think it’s really, r-e-a-l-l-y not fair if Chip’s food is doubled and I am still getting the same amount as those goats…

It’s hard being short…. And plump…

Love,

Donkey

I Don't Think So...

2011-03-27T12:32:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago all of the farm people got together to talk about us and all of the things that have to be done around here. There is a lot to do when you care for animals and they all work pretty hard taking care of us, let me tell you. Sometimes I feel bad that the only thing I can do is keep them company while they work. I wish I could do more to help.

I think they are planning something. We have been overhearing conversations that make us pretty sure the farm people are going to have some big shindig. It sounds like they are going to invite people to come and visit and that they are going to have a lot of fun things for kids to do. We really like it when people come to meet us, but there is always one downside. We all have to get cleaned up. Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I object to meeting everyone. Hey, I’m the mascot, remember? That’s my job. What I object to is the getting cleaned up part. I just don’t see the point. I mean, I don’t even remotely see the point. It seems to me that people coming to visit animals at a farm know we live in a barn. They know we spend a considerable amount of time in the pasture. They know that pastures have dirt in them. Perhaps the visitors appreciate it when the horses are all dapper and shiny but it seems to me that visitors would expect that I’d be dusty.

For those of you who have never met a donkey before, you might be interested in knowing that we have bristly, course coats and we are rather fond of dirt. I mean taking dust baths is one of our most pleasurable pastimes, really. So I do not think that I need to be given a bath or brushed for this event, or have my face cleaned or have that shiny stuff put on my hooves. I plan to opt out of getting clean, though I will thoroughly enjoy the company that is coming and I hope that everyone comes to see me despite my stance on this. I do not intend to cause a problem for anyone, it’s just that I don’t think I need sprucing up.

And that’s not all. Rumor in the pasture has it that the farm people are considering putting bunny ears on the horses when the company comes! They think the kids will like it. Someone thought it would be “cute”…. Yeah, right. Well, that sounds downright ridiculous if you ask me. We are not rabbits and those silly rabbit ears were made for dogs anyway and we are not dogs, in case you haven’t noticed. They can go ahead and try putting them on the horses, but let me tell you, I already have awesome ears and I simply cannot agree to wear those pretend fuzzy white and pink satin bunny ears that humiliate all animals who are made to wear them, even dogs. (Ever see those Cadbury commercials at Easter time? Yeah, take a look on the expressions on those animals’ faces and you tell me how they feel about posing. I don’t care how much they are getting paid. They hate it, trust me). So if anyone tries to put those girly ears on me I will give them major grief, and trust me donkeys are really good at digging in their heels and making a point. The horses are none too thrilled with it either, let me tell you, but they generally don’t stick to their guns. I imagine some of them will go along with it just to be good sports. I, however, just cannot agree to this. I may be small and adorable and I may love having company, but I have to draw the line somewhere and if satin bunny ears aren’t enough to make you find some sand and a stick, then I don’t know what is….

So for anyone who is coming to visit, just remember that you are coming to a farm and that farms have dust and that this donkey will not agree to a bath or wearing fake ears for your amusement. I thank you in advance for your understanding.

Love,

Donkey

A Point of Clarification Regarding the Website (and Some Common Sense)

2011-03-19T08:47:00.000-07:00

For those of you who actually read the website (and I hope you do, there is a lot to learn), you will notice that under "How To Help" there is a little box in the upper right hand corner that says "Purchase Our Products - Links Coming Soon". Then it tells you we will be selling Apparel and Stuffed Rescue Horses.

Please do not be alarmed. We do not, have not, nor will we ever, stuff the horses. All of the horses on the farm are alive and doing just fine. What the website means is that we will soon be selling plush, stuffed toy horses that are soft and cuddly and that kids will want to sleep with. Please rest assured that no horses were harmed, maimed, or killed in the making of the fabric horses. You have my word on that. I just wanted to mention it because I didn't want anyone to worry, that's all...

Love,

Donkey

The Diet Pasture, Something I'd Rather Not Think About

2011-03-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

I have had numerous inquiries about my references to the diet pasture. I have been reluctant to discuss this because I don't want it to appear as though I am complaining. I really and truly meant it last time when I said that this is a great place to live. To discuss the diet pasture might make it sound like I am unhappy or ungrateful, which I am not. So I will only tell you about the diet pasture if you promise to understand that I adore my farm and my pasture friends and my farm people. I really do.

So here goes. This is actually a little embarrassing. There are some people on this farm who think that my... um... my girth is a little too ample. There. I said it. Yes, some people think I am a little too big around the middle. They think I "don't do much" (yes, that's a direct quote) and that I eat too much hay (which I do not), however I am not in charge of certain things around here even though I am a mascot. So far I have not been able to change popular opinion, but I am working on it, trust me. What this all boils down to is that I am on a diet and that sometimes I have to go in the diet pasture.

First, the diet part. In the barn there is a big dry erase board that tells how much everyone gets for breakfast and dinner. It says things like:

     Tess - 3/4 scoop
     Major - 3/4 scoop
     Missy - 1/2 scoop
     Kolbi - 1/2 scoop

When it gets to me it says: Donkey - handful

Nope, I'm not kidding. You heard right... a handful.... A pitiful, cheapskate handful of grain... Now, I understand that I am quite short compared to the horses and don't need to eat as much as they do, but really... a handful??!! Heck, the GOATS get a handful of grain and I am WAY bigger than they are! (Oh, and by the way, no one ever mentions Peanut Butter's girth. He's one of the goats and he is busting at the seams, let me tell you, and he really doesn't do anything... And if you will notice, there are only face shots of him on the website. I rest my case.) I have objected to this for some time, but because I have not been able to convince anyone to change the board for me, everyone has been abiding by the feed schedule and I get a skimpy handful. It is quite pathetic if you ask me, and downright unfair because I should at least get more than the goats. So this is the first part of the diet. Now for the second part...

In the regular pasture where the all of the boys hang out we have a gigantic round bale of hay and we stand around and munch all day. It's great, really. We eat, hang out, and keep an eye on the place. Well, sometimes I have to go in the pasture next door, AKA the diet pasture. This is not like the all-you-can-eat hay buffet where the boys hang out. Oh no. In this pasture my hay is measured! Think of it as portion control for animals. It's pretty annoying, really. Those of you who have ever been on a diet and have only been allowed a slice of turkey, three baby carrots, and water for lunch know exactly what I mean. Certain farm people (who shall remain nameless) seem to think I need to be on Weight Watchers or The Biggest Loser for Farm Animals or something and sometimes they say I have to be in the diet pasture for the day and that I cannot just stand around and eat for endless hours like everyone else. Sometimes my buddy, Chip, is in there with me. Yeah, he's on a diet too so at least he feels my pain. Trust me, it is not my favorite thing. Especially when you get to watch everyone else eating-their-hearts-out right next door. Really, it's like being at a Superbowl party and everyone is eating chicken wings and Doritos and you are stuck with crudites. Yeah, like baby carrots, celery, and cut up red peppers compare to the good stuff... Give me a break. We all know that is not true.

So in addition to being a pain and being unfair (because I think I look quite svelte, actually, certainly better than Peanut Butter), it is a bit embarrassing because some think I am too big. It is something I have to tolerate, though, because I have not yet figured out a way to bust out of the diet pasture or to change the dry erase board. But I am working on it...

So for right now I dream about the warm spring days ahead when the pastures will be covered with tender green grass and that as soon as that grass starts growing I can graze all day long, in either pasture, so my diet will be obsolete. Good. I can't wait for spring...

Love,

Donkey

A Little Bit about Me and My Farm

2011-02-20T12:45:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Donkey. I know, I am a donkey and my name is Donkey. I get that all the time. I am named after Donkey in Shrek. You know. Shrek… the Ogre… Eddie Murphy… Never mind. If you don’t understand you can google it. Anyway, I am one of the Resident Mascots here, which is a very important position. What this means is that I live here, I help represent the farm, I am darned cute, and everyone loves me…

I have quite the life, really. I always get handouts and I almost always get let out of the pasture so I can hang with the farm people and help them with their work. If I disappear, it just means that I have managed to find a secret stash of hay somewhere. Trust me, I am never far off because there is plenty of hay around and there is absolutely no reason to go anywhere else. Generally speaking, I get a lot of special privileges because I am quite charming and very good company. Let me tell you, good looks go a long, long way. Every donkey should be so fortunate.

I didn’t always live here. I used to live in Ohio with a family who thought I was really special, which I am. They loved me a lot. That was a great home but, sadly, they had some really unfortunate things happen and they could no longer take care of me, no matter how much they wanted to keep me and love me forever. We were very sad and worried and it was not good. So Lisa (who runs the farm and is a very nice lady, except when she says I need to go in the diet pasture, which is another story for another day) said I could come live here and that I would be loved and taken care of forever and ever. I was very sad to say goodbye to my Ohio people (and for those of you who might be wondering, donkeys do cry), but this farm is a really good place and I love it here. I am one of the lucky ones, trust me.

It was before my Ohio family that life was not so good. I try not to think about it, and I certainly don’t talk about it, so no one knows the details, but let’s just say I was sent to an auction where Unspeakable Things happen to animals if kind people don’t buy them. Well, lucky for me, my Ohio people bought me and, quite literally, saved my hide.

See, that’s what this farm is about. The people here love the horses that no one wants. They find horses that are in trouble and fix them up if they are sick or injured and they help them feel safe. Boy, sometimes that’s a tough one, let me tell you. The feeling safe part, because a lot of the horses are afraid and believe they are going to be hurt again, or forgotten about. But that does not happen here and the horses eventually learn that there are a lot of kind, generous people in the world that love and understand animals and want to make them feel better. So once the new horses relax and once their bodies heal, the farm people find new homes for them with their new families who will really and truly love them and take care of them forever.

So this is the place where all of that happens. It’s a pretty good place to be, despite the existence of the diet pasture and my strong objection to those who think that I need to spend time there. But like I said, that’s another story for another day.

I plan to tell you more stuff as time goes on. There’s a lot of stuff to tell, trust me. But for right now I just wanted to tell you a little bit about this special place.

I’ll talk to you later…

Love, Donkey

Here's donkey!

2011-02-20T10:04:00.000-08:00